Revolt, Freedom, and Passion

To Live, and Live Rebelliously

The Myth of Sisyphus, that it was not acceptable for the absurd person to commit suicide, but that to live, and live rebelliously, “with my revolt, my freedom, and my passion,” was the best way of both acknowledging and rejecting death.

- Jean-Paul Sartre

Reflecting

Maintaining ego requires a combination of lies and bitterness.  Lies because the self is an illusion and maintaining a belief in your self and its importance can withstand direct confrontation with few objective measurements.  Bitterness because if you’re particularly interesting, special, and even unique and yet have little if any glory to show for it, then you simply must be surrounded by enemies holding you back. 

Ego ablation offers a life of truth and context.  Truth because it is objectively and observably true that your physical and emotional reactions are nearly infinitely insignificant.  Context because it opens you up to detachment from your endless ruminating on your own feeling and feelings.  When I take hard falls trail running – combining some pain with embarrassment – I turn my mind to the rocks themselves.  Perhaps they were here a million or even a billion years ago, well before my lineage was even human.  They will be here a million or even a billion years from now, well after my atoms are widely dispersed.  Oh, and they’re inanimate.  Their reaction to my fall is a reasonable one and one I should emulate.  Something happened, but not something that mattered.

Egolessness is the goal for a good life, defeating the greatest impediment to both purpose and joy.  But the inverse of ego isn’t humility, at least the performative modern form that is so pervasive and so gross.  “I’m so humbled by getting this Oscar on the same day as my Nobel Peace Prize” etc.  Its inverse is gratitude.  Cast aside all thoughts of yourself because it is yourself. Then you can connect, measure, and compete without stumbling on your conception of yourself.  In an ego void, there is room to be immensely curious.  If there isn’t a me permeating your every thought, you can ask “if not me, what?”  What is best?  Who is best?  What can you observe and learn? 

You see and hear more.  You find people who love or at least tolerate you.  Some of what you’ll find is wonderful.  There is a cost – I almost daily get reminders of how slow I am compared to the trail runners I run with, how weak I am compared to the CrossFit athletes I lift with, and how I am not and will never be as tough as the jiu jitsu professors I roll with.  My ego gets left behind in the mud, drops the barbell, and taps out time after time.  To maintain any delusion about how fast, strong, and tough I am, I would have to avoid the best people.  But I gravitate to them.  And I am left with a deep gratitude that the most remarkable people I know have seen my weakness and did not reject me but instead tolerate me and make me immeasurably better. 

I cannot outrun my running friends.  I cannot outlift my lifting friends.  I cannot out roll my jiu jitsu friends.  But because they crush me, I could crush yesterday’s self.  And that is what I am most grateful for.  That is what I will pay the price for.  The opposite of ego isn’t humility; the opposite of ego is gratitude. 

Training

Saturday’s white board – Partner WOD:

Every 6 minutes x 5

• Row 80 Cals

• As far as possible farmer's carry with 140 lbs. in the remaining time.

 * 5 accursed burpees every time you transition on the row.

I had the (stupid, stupid) plan to avoid burpees by just knocking out the 80 cals at once by myself instead of divvying them up with my partner in 20 or 40 cal bites.  It was okay for the first few rounds then got awful.  I underestimated how badly schlepping the 140 lbs. would wreck my grip for getting back on the third round.  My coach saw the whole thing coming and no doubt got some small entertainment value out of the spectacle.  Time to get more efficient rowing.  Some helpful cues that a friend just shared:

Then this morning’s run:

Fueling

For Labor Day, I reflected on some of my favorite American makers; there’s no better way to fuel up than a Five Marys steak seared on a Lancaster Cast Iron skillet then sliced with an Orchard Steel knife.  Click here for my other favorite makers.

Supplementing

Whether or not they’re hitting powerlifting PRs, everyone in your family should be supplementing with creatine to live stronger longer lives. This one is a no brainer.

Measuring

BMR is one of the best stats to monitor.  The average man is 7,100 kJ per day and average woman is 5,900.  Mine is currently 8,724 kJ, meaning I’m burning 2,085 calories per day resting.  I burn another 2k or so running (and don’t wear a tracker in CrossFit, boxing, or BJJ but burn at least 1k in each).  My maintenance calories is around 5k/day.  It is important to know this number so you know when you’re in a deficit or surplus. 

Recovering

I’ve been getting some calf cramps; I’m fine running/lifting/rolling but sometimes after a long run jumping such as jumping up to do pull-ups leads to spasms.  At home my go to solution, besides adequate hydration and potassium, is my TheraGun percussion massage gun; on the road I like the portable mini massage gun (unrelated to my even greater love for the minigun). 

Closing

Having kids should never be the reason to skip fitness; kids should be your reason for fitness.  But if you have a new one, you’ll need a jogging stroller for runs and ear protection for the gym, assuming you drop weights at yours.