Murdering Self-Pity

Death to the worst emotion.

Reflecting

Self-pity has nothing going for it.  It helps: nothing.  It hurts: everything.  It shows – and exacerbates – weakness.  It is embarrassing.  It makes you unproductive and miserable. It is also stupidly incurious.  I try to kill it off whenever it rears its ugly head, which it did twice this week.

The first was on the Fourth of July.  The gym and sauna were closed so instead I met a group of friends pre-dawn for a trail run.  We went hard for a few hours and I enjoyed every minute.  On my way out, I stopped to clear a road in the park with my beastly Japanese hand saw.  I am nearly as fast with it as I am with my chainsaw, but it is light enough to run with and I always have it in the back of my old G Wagon.  I cut up a large tree to clear a lane of road then pondered the fact that I might as well keep going so I retraced our run to clear trails on my own.  But unlike running with my group, I just started to notice all of my problems – it was hot, humid, muddy, and buggy even covered in 100% deet.  As much as I enjoy clearing trails it was getting to be no fun.  A bit of self-pity on my run back but also gratitude for my friends that keep the identical environment effortlessly easy and fun with distracting jokes, banter, and energy.

Then again today, another sweaty morning.  It was already steamy at 5 AM when I went hard in the morning’s workout of the day.  As I wrapped up my sprints/burpees/squats, my mind wandered to excuses.  I had a second hour ahead of me, work to do at the office, and was, what?, hot and tired (just like eeeeeeverybody else).  I planned how I’d tell my coach with a mixture of urgency (really important work) and sympathy cultivation (look at how I already sweated through my shirt and how hard I’m breathing!).  I was weak and depleted.  But he was already writing up the programming (white board below).  He isn’t a yeller and might not have even called me out.  But he’s very observant.  He’d just know.  And I would hate myself for the rest of the day.  At the last minute, I looked at the RDLs, squat march, step ups, back extensions, and sled drag ahead of me and determined that it couldn’t possibly be as bad as I’d feel about myself if I quit.  There’s always work that needs to be done.  We’re all hot.  We’re all tired.  Nobody cares. 

Training

Not sure if anyone else stuck with this challenge but up to 37 unbroken push-ups first thing in the AM, adding one per day.

Then this morning’s white board –

As many rounds as possible in 20 minutes:

• Run 400m

• 12 Bar Facing Burpees

• 9 Front Squats 185 lbs.

• 1 minute rest

Then an hour of weightlifting.  The (actual) white board –

Then a ½ hour of sauna. 

Tonight’s night run:

Fueling

If I could combat the obesity epidemic in three words it would be,

Don’t drink calories.

They count.  And they don’t fill you up.  But I’m fidgety and like carrying around a glass of something.  My latest fix is soft ice that isn’t bad for your teeth to crunch made from our new ice machine. 

Supplementing

I’m going to put all of my supplements on pause when abroad so that I don’t have to explain pills to border guards, so it will be a natural experiment to see how I feel with none in my system. 

Measuring

Want to track my progress in Switzerland?  You can follow the Eiger Ultra Trail by UTMB as if you were there with this link.  Going live in 7 days, 8 hours, 28 minutes, and 11 seconds.  Starting to get real.

Recovering

After the race, I’ll be recovering at the Hotel Belvedere in Grindelwald which has a live webcam here showing the epic setting.

Closing

I’ve listened to every episode; this one is the best yet: