Forging Strong Bonds

Isolation = depression and death

Reflecting

I love (some) time alone.  So it is easy for me to understate how important other people are.  But it is clear on any important performance metric that I earn, eat, run, lift, and just live better with other people.  And stats show that the really bad outcomes including depression and suicide have their roots in isolation.  So how do you forge strong bonds?  And how can you even start if you’re the least bit like me – introverted, judgmental, disagreeable, and usually just as happy to be alone?  I have a small group of good friends and seriously dated only twice.  I don’t have a lot to go on, but this is what little I’ve learned that has worked for me.

… be nice until it's time to not be nice.

- Roadhouse

Be kind.  Being an asshole doesn’t prove you’re brave.  “Willing to tell it like it is” is just an excuse for being an asshole.  Be kind and respectful.  This takes no judgment of the other person.  Kindness and respectfulness are characteristics of ours, not of the target.  Long-term, we want to end up without our ego interfering with a deep and authentic knowledge that we’re no better or worse than others.  Until then, it is okay to just act that way.  Act as if.  If necessary, fake it.  Work towards authenticity.

Be curious.  If you’re anxious and don’t know what to do or what to say, you can cut the problem in half by listening to and asking about the other person.  One need not share identical interests; you can still learn about the other person.  No one is looking to be impressed.  They want to make an impression.  So let them.  As with kindness, it would be optimal to be deeply interested.  Meanwhile, it is okay to just ask.  You don’t need to wait until you want to know about your spouse’s day to ask about it.

Attraction demands no explanation.  You need to justify almost everything else that matters.  High quality decisions need data and evidence to back them up.  But attraction isn’t like that – you can like whatever you like (obviously we’re talking about the universe of consenting adults).  That is true inbound and outbound.  And trying to understand it or fix it if it isn’t there is a waste of time.  There are 8,045,311,488 people.  If you’re breathtakingly hot, about a billion of them want to date you.  If you’re not, then it is probably closer to a million.  But there are a lot.  So you don’t need to waste any time trying to make something out of nothing.  If something isn’t fantastic, just be decisive and move on. 

No human sacrifice.  Don’t demand or offer one.  Do the things that make your life worth living and have friendships with the people you meet along the way.  Socializing and dating shouldn’t be separate activities from the stuff that you want to do anyway; that demands too much of your time and will inevitably lead to score keeping and resentment.  “I’ll always be there for you” is a mantra of self-sacrifice; it is also a terrible idea.  Sometimes you’ll be doing other things and that is fine.  Your spouse, kids, and friends can understand that sometimes you need to make money, workout, and head out on adventures.  Of course this requires symmetrical understanding of others’ priorities.  Avoid compromising into something in the middle that no one wants.  Instead of compromise, iterate.  Do exactly what you want and be there to enable others to do the same.          

The goal is to find at least a few people who know your true self yet love – or at least tolerate – you anyway.  They’re out there and worth finding. 

Training

Yesterday ran but mostly cleared trails following last week’s storm.  This morning had a good group at 5 AM for a trail run:

This morning’s whiteboard:

• 5 minutes rowing

• 4 minutes burpee dumbbell cleans with 100 lbs.

• 3 minutes weighted sit-ups with 50 lbs.

• 2 minutes burpee deadlifts 100 lbs.

Then a friend and I ran a mile (not on the whiteboard but bugged me that there was a 5-2 but not a 1).

Fueling

There is nothing you need or should want here:

The short, short version of my nutrition plan is “outer aisle only” – i.e. just protein and produce.  Eat beef, chicken, fish, and eggs for protein (ideally an ounce per pound of your ideal bodyweight) for hypertrophy and satiation supplemented with some fruits and vegetables.  Single ingredient food straight from nature.  Don’t even go into the inner aisles filled with boxes of sugary processed carbs packed with dozens of unpronounceable ingredients.  Many of these chemicals are designed to avoid satiation and encourage overeating.  From the looks of it, they succeed. 

According to the WSJ, your health and wealth are aligning on this topic — inflation on meat, eggs, and produce is moderating while inner aisle packaged food prices are still soaring.  Potato chip prices are up by 17% and mayo is up 23% over the past year.  Happily, you are best off spending the same $0 on either.  If you stay out of the inner aisle, you can avoid all of this inflation, too:

Supplementing

What helps running at high elevations?  Two 125 mgs per day of Diamox / Acetazolamide starting two days before a run helps with altitude acclimatization.  Diamox forces kidneys to excrete bicarbonate, the base form of carbon dioxide.  This re-acidifies blood, balancing the effect of hyperventilation that happens at high altitude. 

The World Anti-Doping Agency / WADA is quite strict so do your own work on any pharmaceuticals at sports events, especially if you’re a podium contender or if there’s money at stake.  They ban diuretics except if you have a therapeutic use exemption / TUE.  They won’t grant TUEs for altitude sickness in advance but if athletes have a script and no option to descend, then they can get an emergency or retroactive TUE. 

Decadron / Dexamethasone helps with severe headaches due to Acute Mountain Sickness / AMS.  Zofran / Ondansetron helps with severe AMS nausea.  I take one Zofran prophylactically heading up into high elevation but besides that have never needed anything for AMS.  Phenergan / Promethazine is a Zofran alternative but it causes drowsiness so is not a good idea during urgent descents.    

Measuring

Next run: 22k feet of elevation gain over 63 miles in a day.

Recovering

I’m a novice meditator without experience or ability (and perhaps even desire) to sit still for long.  But I am using the minimal effective dose of breathing technique to help settle my mind at the end of the day before falling asleep.  Based on Prānāyāma and popularized by Dr. Andrew Weil, I use the 4-7-8 breathing technique.  I breath in through my nose for four seconds, hold it for seven, then forcefully breath out through my mouth for eight seconds until my lungs are empty.  I go through this cycle four times.  This might be laughably basic and quick for anyone who takes meditative practice more seriously than I do, but I want to do this consistently for a few months without my mind wandering before experimenting with more.  Baby steps. 

Closing

Out for a bit.  Looks beautiful (if not flat). Will be back when I’m back.